[UP 027] - How these four traps keep clouding your decisions and how to stop them

Well hello there.

Welcome back to your weekly dose of UP. Edition #027

I know I know, I’m late again. My bad.

I’m having a little busier period than usual right now with a course coming towards its busy end, but hey, we’re here! Normal Monday scheduling soon to be resumed.

Here's what we’ve got this week:

❌ Don’t Default: Inspired by Shane Parrish's "Clear Thinking," we'll examine the defaults that often cloud our decision-making and how we can navigate past them for clearer, more objective choices.

💺 Posture Predicaments: Hours on our laptops have led many of us into the trap of anterior pelvic tilt. But why does it matter, and how can we correct it? We'll explore some simple stretches to get us back in alignment.

🎬 Dark Charm: We'll delve deep into narcissism, using Mr Tinder Swindler as our case study, and discuss the importance of recognizing these traits to protect ourselves.

Let’s get to it.

Don’t Default

Last week, I finished Shane Parrish's great new book, 'Clear Thinking'.

Yes you need to get it.

One of the big ideas and there are many, was around the idea of defaults in our decision-making process.

These are the automatic, often subconscious, responses we fall into when faced with choices.

While they can sometimes serve us, more often than not, they can lead us astray.

Let's dive into these defaults and explore how we can better navigate them.

Emotion Default

• The Trap: Making decisions based on fleeting emotions rather than rational thought.

• Example: Ever sent an email in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later? That's the emotion default at play.

• Overcoming It: Before making a decision, ask yourself if you're in a state of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). If yes, it might be best to pause and revisit the decision later.

Ego Default

• The Trap: Making choices to protect our ego, even if they aren't in our best interest.

• Example: Sticking to a point in a debate, not because you believe it's right, but because you don't want to appear wrong.

• Overcoming It: Regularly question your motives. Are you seeking to be right or to find what IS right? Aim for genuine success, not just the appearance of it.

Social Default

• The Trap: Conforming to societal pressures or norms without questioning if they align with our values.

• Example: Buying the latest smartphone because everyone else has it, even if your current one works perfectly fine.

• Overcoming It: Reflect on whether your choices are genuinely yours or influenced by the crowd. Remember, just because 'everyone's doing it' doesn't mean it's the right choice for you.

Inertia Default

• The Trap: Opting for the path of least resistance, even if it's not the best path forward.

• Example: Staying in a job you're unhappy with because the idea of job hunting feels overwhelming.

• Overcoming It: Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Ask if you're choosing a path because it's easy or because it's right.

(Which one of these triggered you the most? It’s okay, you can admit it. Me? The inertia default.)

So there you have it.

By recognizing and challenging these default traps, we can make decisions that are more aligned with our true desires and long-term goals.

As we navigate the many choices life presents, let's be ready for these default reactions and instead create distance in order for some clarity.

That way we can make choices our future selves will appreciate.

But yes, easier said than done though when that new iphone drops.

Speaking of phones, they don’t exactly help our necks and spines. Let’s see if we can address that.

Posture Predicaments

In today's digital age, many of us are glued to our laptops for hours on end. While we're busy killing things in our virtual world, there's a subtle shift happening in our physical world – our posture.

One common postural issue arising from prolonged sitting is the Anterior Pelvic Tilt (APT).

Why Should We Care About APT?

When we're seated for extended periods, certain muscle groups become inactive or shortened.

Our glutes (the muscles in our buttocks) become lazy, our hip flexors tighten, and our core muscles lose their strength.

The result?

Our lower back compensates by arching more than it should, leading to that nagging lower back pain.

Yes, Dad, I did warn you about this!

Spotting the APT:

If you stand sideways in front of a mirror, you might notice an exaggerated arch in your lower back. It's as if your belly is being pushed forward, even if you're in good shape. While our backs are naturally curved, this pronounced arch is a telltale sign of APT.

Combatting APT:

The good news is, with some consistent effort, you can correct this tilt. Here are some simple exercises to incorporate into your daily routine.

Ready to hit the floor? Let’s go:

Stretches:

• Hip Flexor Stretch

  Start in a lunge with one foot forward. Tuck pelvis and push hips forward. For a deeper stretch, raise the arm of the extended leg overhead.

  Hold: 20-30 seconds each side.

  

  
  

• Glute Stretch

  Lie on your back, cross one ankle over the opposite knee. Hold the uncrossed leg and pull gently towards your chest.

  Hold: 20-30 seconds each side.
  

  

• Hamstring Stretch

  Sit with one leg extended, the other bent. Lean forward, reaching for the toes of the extended leg.

  Hold: 20-30 seconds each side.
  
  

  

Now all you have to do is find a little time in your day to do these.

Don’t moan - A little is all you need.

Okay, let’s bring this week to a close with some warning signs.

Dark Charm

So this weekend I finally got round to watching the "The Tinder Swindler". I know where have I been.

But wow it was more shocking than I thought it’d be (*spoilers ahead*).

If you’ve seen it you’ll know this guy Simon was a seriously sick (and slick) individual.

In fact his actions and behaviour reminded me of the ‘Dark Triad’ traits in psychology.

What are they?

They’re a set of very unpleasant (that’s some understatement) traits found in a small percentage of the population. There’s three of them:

1. Narcissism (2-5% prevalence): Characterized by grandiosity, entitlement, dominance, and superiority. Narcissists crave admiration but lack empathy.
   

2. Machiavellianism: Individuals with high levels of this trait, though less common, are manipulative, deceitful, and exploit others without remorse.
   

3. Psychopathy (1% prevalence for clinical psychopathy): Marked by impulsivity, thrill-seeking, and a chilling lack of empathy. Psychopaths often exude superficial charm but can be unpredictably aggressive.

So using the ‘Tinder Swindler’ Simon Leviev as a case study let’s take a closer look at what makes up narcissism, the most common of the dark triad traits.

Grandiosity: Simon portrayed himself as an heir to a diamond empire, living a lavish lifestyle that was, in reality, funded by his victims. This exaggerated sense of self-worth and entitlement is typical of narcissists who often believe they are superior and deserve special treatment.

Manipulation: Throughout the documentary, Simon's ability to manipulate situations and people was evident. He would weave intricate tales about threats to his life, creating scenarios where the women felt compelled to help him, both emotionally and financially.

Lack of Empathy: Despite the emotional and financial turmoil he caused, Simon showed no genuine remorse or understanding of the pain he inflicted. Instead, he shifted blame and played the victim, another classic narcissistic tactic.

Need for Admiration: Simon's elaborate dates, extravagant gifts, and the persona he crafted on social media were all designed to elicit admiration and validation. Narcissists thrive on the validation of others, and Simon was no exception.

Superficial Charm: One of the reasons Simon was so successful in his deceit was his ability to charm and woo his victims. This charm, however, is often skin-deep, used as a tool to manipulate and exploit.

Exploitative: Simon's primary goal was to exploit his victims for financial gain. He would create scenarios where they felt obligated to help him, leveraging their emotions against them.

Sensitive to Criticism: We would see any time Simon would be questioned he would jump to aggression and hit out and make threats. Any threat to their self-image is met with great hostility.

When we look at Simon Leviev's actions through the lens of narcissism, it becomes clear how such traits can be hiding in plain sight yet become weaponized too.

Recognizing these signs even when they seem small and innocuous is crucial.

Don’t be afraid to listen to your gut and check in with your inner circle for a second opinion.

Your support system can be your voice of reason in those times where your emotions may be clouding your judgment thanks to the charm of these snakey characters.

So girl or guy, doesn’t matter. Stay safe out there!

***

That’s a wrap for this week.

Thanks for reading as always, hugely appreciate it.

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I’m gonna go stretch while I try to think about how to swerve a sexy narcissist’s traps.

See you next week.

Always Forward,
Utkarsh