[UP 034] - Why saying 'I don't know' increases your life quality

So. Feeling Christmasy yet?

We’re in December. Hope life’s good and that you’re not too cold.

It’s #034 of UP.

Here’s our week’s lineup:

🔌 Unplug and Tune In: Discover the transformative power of unplugging from the digital world to reconnect with what truly matters in life.

🍪 DEARS to That: Learn about the DEARS method for managing cravings – a simple yet effective strategy to help you navigate those tempting moments.

🎁 The Gift of Giving: Delve into the deep and lasting impact of giving, both in the joy it brings to others and the fulfillment it offers ourselves.

Ready? Let’s go!

Unplug & Tune In

This holiday season, when conversations inevitably turn to the latest news or hot topics, and Uncle Andy asks what you think, it’s okay to shrug and say “I don’t know.”

That’s right, you have my permission to step back and admit a lack of knowledge and even if you’re feeling brave, a lack of interest.

I got this idea this week during my reading from Ryan Holiday's "The Daily Stoic": the importance of unplugging and the freedom of not knowing what’s going on with matters outside of us.

Embracing this approach gives you space to focus on other aspects of your life that might be getting neglected, and let’s face it, there are probably a couple. We’ll come back to this in a moment.

But I make this point overall to you because I recently completed a month-long media blackout myself whereby my default response lately has been just this, “I don’t know.”

The blackout consisted of cutting out all forms of digital entertainment – from YouTube and social media to news and music.

Not even my beloved Arsenal matches (annoying because they’ve been so bad for so long, now lately, the team look like potential champions! Anyway).

Yes it was, and is still hard (I’m still going).

But I had a goal.

To clear my mind, reset my dopamine levels (nod to my fellow Huberman listeners), and refocus on what’s truly important at this stage of my life.

(Birthdays ending in 5s and 0s make you look at life a whole new way don’t they?)

This might seem extreme, and it's not a permanent change, more of a dopamine detox like I’ve spoken about before, but the essence of this exercise this time round is about regaining control and getting back in touch with the demands of my goals overall in life.

But forget this scale of monk-like makeover. Even on a smaller scale, unplugging as a conscious act can have a profound impact.

Now just to be clear I’m not saying passive consumption is bad. Far from it. It can be a welcome unwinding activity after a long day.

My case is against constant passive consumption.

When we're constantly plugged into passive forms of media, it’s kinda scary.

We aren't thinking. We aren’t present. We’re not actually living.

We’re zombies.

We're absorbing without filtering, letting our subconscious accept whatever is presented.

We’re kinda like the subject of a hypnotist. But the hypnotist is just whatever show happens to be playing on Netflix.

Not the hypnosis we need.

This state of mental sedation means we're not actively guarding our minds against assumptions, beliefs, and those easy hits of dopamine.

We’re accepting things into our minds all a little too easily.

That’s one side of it.

But the other is that by constantly seeking external stimulation, as mentioned previously, we're diverting attention and resources away from unresolved issues in our personal lives.

As YouTuber Patrick Bet-David says, "Never be afraid of the truth."

Confronting the reality we're trying to escape from can be painful, but it’s necessary.

We can’t build towards a better future on falsehoods, delusions, or avoidance. Only truth.

Facing our ugly realities if approached properly propels us into a mindset of solution and action.

But if not, we can remain stuck in a victim mentality and want to reach out for another hit of Insta scrollin’ to take the pain away.

Not good.

So, when put on the spotlight this season, if you haven't kept up with the latest TV drama or global political conflict, don't beat yourself up.

You're not ignorant; you're just prioritizing differently.

It’s about making conscious choices to focus on what truly matters.

Remember, unplugging isn't about missing out; it's about tuning into your own life.

Speaking of unplugging. Here’s something that will help you (hopefully!) unplug from the season’s excessive eating.

Thank me later.

DEARS to That

If you haven’t already, soon enough this season you’ll find yourself tempted to overindulge and eat more calories than you’ve got any chance of burning in a week’s worth of sweaty spin classes.

Yes, it can only mean one thing, the festive holidays are among us and it’s the time when people’s rules and standards often go for a holiday too.

Until they’re off again come the third week of January.

(According to this report, 12% of new gym memberships come in January. 4% of the new year gym members will quit by the end of January. 14% are expected to quit by the end of February. Yikes.)

Not us though.

And I say that with more confidence this winter because of a new handy tool I’ve managed to learn in my Noom lessons (yes I’m still sticking it out).

So without further ado, let me share the DEARS method with you.

It's a practical, easy-to-remember approach to help you navigate those difficult moments when your aunt’s offering for a third helping of the apple crumble becomes a rather hostile insistence.

Let's break it down:

Delay: Don't act immediately on your craving. Give yourself a set amount of time, like 10 minutes, before you decide to indulge. This pause can often lessen the craving's intensity.

Example: Craving a chocolate bar? Tell yourself to wait 10 minutes. Use this time to get involved in a different activity.

Escape: Remove yourself from the situation that's triggering the craving. Change your environment to shift your focus.

Example: If the sight of cookies in the kitchen is tempting you, step outside for a few minutes or move to a different room.

Accept: Recognize and accept your craving without judgment. Understand that cravings are normal and don't necessarily need to be acted upon.

Example: Acknowledge you're craving ice cream. Remind yourself it's okay to have cravings, and it doesn't mean you have to give in.

Respond: Instead of reacting impulsively, respond thoughtfully. Ask yourself why you're experiencing the craving and what need you're trying to fulfill.

Example: If you're craving salty snacks, consider if you're actually just thirsty or if there’s an emotional trigger.

Substitute: Find a healthier alternative that satisfies your craving without derailing your wellness goals.

Example: Craving something sweet? Opt for a piece of fruit or a small serving of dark chocolate instead of a sugar-heavy dessert.

The DEARS method isn't just a way to combat cravings; it's a tool to build healthier habits and make more mindful choices in life overall.

This can be used not just for cravings, but just about anything tempting that we may give into that we know we’ll later regret.

So there you have it.

Use any one of these little tools and you’ll be able to ski through the slopes of temptation a lot easier this holiday season and beyond.

Now let’s round off with a little lovin’.

The Gift of Giving

This week’s main reading was a book that caught me off guard with its depth and emotion: "The Algebra of Happiness" by Scott Galloway.

Known for his sharp wit and strong opinions on big tech, Professor Galloway, an NYU Stern business professor and YouTube personality, offers profound insights on life; wealth, love, and health, in this powerful book.

(If you haven’t heard of him, go check him out. Here’s his YouTube. Be ready for a dry no-nonsense sense of humour.)

But while reading this wise yet short book, I found myself moved strongly by the middle part, the heart of the book, in its ‘love’ section.

This was where Professor Galloway underscored key relationship principles to support the fundamental message of the book:

Professional success is just a means; relationships are the end goal.

A truly rich life is filled with the love of family and friends, the joy of nurturing children, and the support of a like-minded partner.

A story-based example (among many he shared) that deeply resonated with me was the importance of giving our elderly parents a dignified end.

Professor Galloway describes in great detail the final stages of how he went about caring for his dying mother and how it was one of his most meaningful acts – a sentiment that often goes underappreciated in our society, unlike the glorification of parenting.

This made me reflect on and appreciate an aspect of Indian culture that I’ve been fortunate enough to experience firsthand, where caring for elderly parents at home is the done thing.

This was something I lived through with my grandfather as he stayed with us until he died peacefully at home, while my Mum managed his care.

Those years with him were an altogether profoundly beautiful and fulfilling experience and I know my Mum would do it again in a heartbeat. (Miss you Nanaji).

But overall, the book's love section to me at least was all about the importance of giving.

Giving back to our parents who have done so much for us, giving ahead to our children (and others’ children too, which Professor Galloway beautifully underlines the importance of through another personal story), and unselfishly supporting our partners.

Professor Galloway's insights remind us of the timeless value of giving in building a life rich in love and meaning.

So as we go about this holiday season, let's think about the ways we can flex that giving muscle.

More than just in material gifts, and even more than just in experiences (which we spoke about recently).

But more in giving of ourselves.

By being a source of strength and sharing the load, making others’ lives that little bit easier.

***

Feeling warm and fuzzy? I am.

Thanks as always for reading and being a subscriber. I love you (Professor G said we should say that a lot more btw)

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe here. Just do it.

I’m gonna go and reflect on how to use the DEARS method when faced with Mum’s Indian snacks this year.

See you next week.

Always Forward,
Utkarsh